Getting Your Protective Parts Talking: Anxiety, Procrastination, and the Inner Critic
If you’re struggling with anxiety, self-criticism, or procrastination, it can feel like these parts of yourself are constantly at odds—sometimes sabotaging, sometimes overwhelming, and often leaving you exhausted. But in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, these experiences are understood as protective parts. They aren’t your enemies. They’re trying to keep you safe, even when their methods feel extreme, frustrating, or counterproductive.
For many of the high achieving, neurodivergent, and/or perfectionistic clients I work with, I see three protective parts showing up most frequently:
Avoidant / Shutdown parts – These parts are burnt out and exhausted, procrastinating and putting off tasks by seeking out activities that distract and/or numb. They are often thinking something along the lines of, “If I can’t do it well enough, why even try?” or “I’m so tired, I can’t…”
Anxious parts – Hyper-vigilant, always planning, anticipating everything, and often thinking, “Never again; I have to be on guard, informed, and/or prepared at all times, or something bad will happen.”
Self-critical parts – Skeptical, doubting, and/or critical of both you and your other parts, often attempting to silence or eliminate other parts through shear force and intiate “desired” actions through shame and fear.
At first glance, these parts may feel like they’re at war with each other—and sometimes they are—but the reality is they all share the same underlying goal: to protect you from harm, shame, or failure. Understanding this is the first step toward helping them cooperate and integrate, rather than fight for control.
Step 1: Bring the Parts into the Same “Room”
The first step is simple, but powerful: notice the interactions between your parts. You might do this in a journal, mentally visualize the parts, or even imagine them in a meeting with each other.
Observe without judgment. Notice which part dominates, which withdraws, and where conflicts arise.
Name what you see: “The anxious part seems frustrated with the procrastinator” or “The inner critic looks suspicious of the anxious part.”
Check in individually with each part: How do they feel about the others? What do they believe their role is?
This step is about creating a safe space for each part to be seen and heard, even when they disagree. Often, just being noticed and acknowledged can reduce tension and defensiveness.
Step 2: Unblending and Orienting
Before parts can truly communicate, it’s helpful to establish some separation and awareness—what IFS calls unblending. This step allows you to observe the parts instead of being fully merged with them, which is especially important when focusing on two polarizing or obviously conflicted parts.
Map their placement: In your mind or on paper, place the parts relative to each other. Who is “closer” to the Self? Who feels bigger, louder, or more imposing?
Notice body language and energy: Does a part feel tight, heavy, jittery, or withdrawn? How do they “occupy space”?
Observe size, volume, and tone: Some parts may feel enormous and urgent, others small and hesitant. Simply noticing these qualities helps the Self orient and create space.
Start small: If this feels overwhelming, focus on just two parts at a time—for example, the procrastinator and the anxious part, or the anxious part and the inner critic.
Ground yourself: Take a deep breath, notice your body, and remind yourself that you can observe without being swept away by any one part.
This orientation step is crucial—it sets the stage for safe, curious dialogue and allows you to see how parts relate to each other in terms of energy, priority, and intention.
Step 3: Facilitating Converstaion & Understanding Between Various Parts
Once parts are unblended and oriented, gently encourage them to notice and reflect on each other:
Highlight their intentions: Every part is trying to protect you, even if the way it goes about it feels unhelpful or exhausting.
Explore misunderstandings: Often, parts conflict because they don’t understand each other’s fears or methods.
Ask curious questions, either in writing or visualization:
“What are you protecting me from?”
“What would happen if you didn’t do this job?”
“How do you feel about/towards the other part(s)?”
“What do you ultimately want for me?”
The goal isn’t to force agreement—it’s to open dialogue, encourage empathy, and help parts feel recognized.
Step 4: Recognize the Shared Goal
As your parts begin to communicate, a powerful realization often emerges:
Anxiety, procrastination, and self-criticism all want the same outcome: safety, connection, and relief from shame.
Their strategies differ—one prepares obsessively, another avoids tasks, another criticizes—but their purpose is aligned.
Naming this shared goal helps reduce internal conflict and allows your protectors to work together rather than against each other.
Step 5: Move Toward Integration
The ultimate goal is integration, not elimination. Every part has value and a role to play, and each protective part can contribute to a healthier, more balanced internal system.
Encourage collaboration: Invite your parts to consider how they can support you and each other. Integration doesn’t mean perfect harmony overnight—it means creating a system where each part has a voice and a role.
Strengthen trust: Reassure your parts that they don’t have to carry the burden alone. Over time, repeated experiences of acknowledgment and compassion allow even the most skeptical or harsh protectors to soften.
Support your observing Self as a container: This is the safe space where protectors can rest, communicate, and coordinate without judgment. The Self acts as the “village square” or central home in which all parts can coexist.
It’s important to remember that this takes time and ongoing revisiting. Life circumstances change, new stressors emerge, and your parts may need repeated reassurance and dialogue. Integration can take months or even years to feel organic, and it requires patience, curiosity, and consistent self-compassion.
Think of your internal system like a healthy village or home: when it’s integrated, parts work together, communicate, and support one another. In contrast, a siloed, chaotic, or disconnected system can feel toxic, isolating, and distrustful. With consistent care, your internal village can become a place of clarity, ease, and resilience, where protectors step back from constant vigilance, and your Self can lead with compassion and trust.
Why This Matters
When we start seeing anxiety, procrastination, and self-criticism as protectors rather than obstacles, shame begins to lose its grip, and fear becomes information rather than a dictator. Your nervous system can learn safety, your Self can become a reliable container, and your protectors can begin working together rather than at odds. This doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a process of curiosity, patience, and gentle noticing—but it can fundamentally change your relationship with yourself.
Key Takeaways
Observe first, act second: Notice the parts and their interactions without trying to fix or silence them.
Unblend and orient: Map parts’ placement, notice their energy, and start with just two if needed.
Ask curious questions: Explore what each part is protecting you from and what it wants for you.
Foster dialogue and empathy: Encourage your parts to listen to each other and recognize their shared goals.
Support integration over elimination: Each part has value; the goal is cooperation, not suppression.
Even small moments of awareness can shift internal dynamics, reduce stress, and create more space for clarity, self-compassion, and confidence in daily life.
Explore IFS Therapy in Fort Collins and Virtually Across Colorado
If anxiety, self-criticism, or patterns of avoidance are impacting your daily life, IFS therapy can help you understand and work with these protective parts rather than against them. Together, we can explore the fears, intentions, and needs behind each part, helping you cultivate self-compassion, clarity, and a greater sense of ease.
I provide a safe, affirming space for high-achieving individuals, neurodivergent clients, and LGBTQIA+ folks, supporting you exactly where you are in your journey. Sessions are available in Fort Collins, Colorado, or virtually across the state, making it easy to access support from the comfort of your own home.
Through IFS therapy, you can:
Step out of anxiety-shame loops and reduce perfectionistic tendencies
Build a kinder, more trusting relationship with yourself
Foster cooperation and integration among your protective parts
Navigate life with more confidence, balance, and ease
IFS is a process—it takes curiosity, patience, and gentle practice—but it can fundamentally shift your relationship with yourself and your inner system. If you’re ready to explore your inner world with compassion and curiosity, I would be honored to support you on that journey.
