5 Signs Your Anxiety Might Be Masking Something Deeper
You’ve read the articles. Tried the breathing apps. Maybe even gone to therapy before.
And still, the anxiety lingers—buzzing just under the surface, or crashing in when you least expect it.
If you’ve been coping with anxiety for a long time, it can start to feel like part of your personality. Like you're just “wired this way.” But sometimes, anxiety is more than just a symptom. It’s a signal—an attempt to manage something deeper, quieter, and harder to name.
This post is for those who are tired of managing and want to start understanding.
1. You Feel Anxious, Even When Nothing Seems Wrong
You’ve finally finished the to-do list. You’re at home, things are quiet, nothing bad is happening… and yet your body is tense, your chest is heavy, and your mind is scanning for what you missed.
If you live with complex trauma or a neurodivergent nervous system, feeling unsafe in calm moments can become the norm. Your brain might be wired for hypervigilance—always bracing for the next demand, rejection, or mistake. For many autistic or ADHD adults, sensory sensitivity, social unpredictability, and years of invalidation create a baseline level of internal stress that’s hard to turn off.
This type of anxiety doesn’t always look dramatic—but it’s exhausting. It’s the background noise of your day, and the reason rest doesn’t feel restful.
Common underlying experiences:
Autistic sensory overwhelm or difficulty with transitions
A nervous system shaped by past relational trauma (C-PTSD)
Rejection sensitivity, especially in ADHD and LGBTQIA+ individuals
Hyper-awareness as a learned safety strategy
2. You Appear High-Functioning on the Outside—but You’re Exhausted Inside
You’re organized, successful, and others often come to you for help. No one would guess that under the surface, you’re constantly second-guessing yourself, masking your needs, and fighting the urge to shut down.
This is a survival strategy many perfectionistic, neurodivergent women and LGBTQIA+ adults adopt early on—especially those who didn’t know they were neurodivergent. You learn to overperform to compensate for invisible struggles with executive functioning, sensory sensitivity, or social exhaustion.
You’ve been praised for being "so mature" or "so easygoing." But that praise often came at the cost of authenticity and emotional safety. And now, anxiety is the engine that keeps the mask in place.
What may be behind this “high-functioning” anxiety:
Late-diagnosed ADHD or autism (especially in assigned-female-at-birth adults)
Chronic masking and emotional suppression
Perfectionism rooted in trauma or internalized stigma
Executive dysfunction or sensory burnout
3. You Struggle with Boundaries—but You Don’t Want to Disappoint Anyone
You replay conversations. Apologize when you’re not sure why. Say yes because saying no feels too risky, even if it costs you peace or energy.
This boundary anxiety isn’t about being "too nice"—it’s often about deeply rooted fears of abandonment, being misunderstood, or labeled "difficult." For many LGBTQIA+ and neurodivergent adults, boundaries were historically unsafe. You may have had to over-accommodate others to stay included, stay safe, or stay masked.
People-pleasing can be a trauma response. And anxiety may be the emotional aftermath of constantly silencing your needs to preserve relationships or avoid conflict.
This may signal:
Trauma patterns (fawning, attachment wounds, people-pleasing)
ADHD or Autistic masking in relationships
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), often seen in ADHD
Internalized beliefs about being “too much” or “not enough”
4. You’re Constantly Thinking—but Not Always Feeling
You analyze your reactions. You try to talk yourself out of emotions. You can name what's going on—but can’t always feel it in a way that brings relief.
This “hyper-cognitive” approach to life is often learned. If emotional expression wasn’t safe growing up—or if your nervous system feels overwhelmed by emotion—you may have developed anxiety as a form of emotional control. And for many autistic or gifted neurodivergent adults, intellectualizing is a skill that comes naturally… but it can distance you from your body’s wisdom.
Therapy can help you build a bridge back to your emotional self, so you can move from managing your anxiety to understanding what it’s trying to protect.
This might relate to:
Autism or gifted traits with cognitive-emotional imbalance
Trauma-related emotional detachment or suppression
Disconnection from interoception (common in neurodivergence)
Anxiety used as a buffer from vulnerability or past invalidation
5. You’ve Tried All the Coping Skills—And Still Feel Stuck
You’ve done the work. The mindfulness apps, the planners, the affirmations. Maybe even therapy in the past. But something still isn’t clicking. You still feel like you're white-knuckling your way through life.
If standard coping skills feel like band-aids over something deeper, they probably are. Many neurodivergent and LGBTQIA+ adults have spent years in spaces that never truly understood them. Tools that weren’t made for your brain, body, or lived experience often don’t reach the root.
What you may need is less about “fixing” your anxiety—and more about unpacking the context that created it.
This could point to:
A neurodivergent identity that was missed or misunderstood
Shame and internalized ableism or queerphobia
Trauma that hasn't been safely processed in affirming spaces
The need for therapy that’s relational, identity-affirming, and nervous system-aware
Therapy That Goes Beneath the Surface: Compassionate Support for Women & Genderqueer Folks in Fort Collins, CO
Your anxiety is not a flaw—it’s a messenger. It might be pointing to years of unmet needs, unspoken grief, or the quiet burnout of constantly hiding who you are.
You deserve more than symptom management. You deserve a space where you don’t have to explain or justify why things feel hard. Where your full identity is welcomed, and your nervous system is gently supported to come out of survival mode.
I specialize in therapy for neurodivergent and perfectionistic adults navigating anxiety, identity, burnout, relationship stress, and more. If you're ready to go deeper, I’m here to support you!
